Family Sucks
My mom called asking for money. She couldn’t give me a number amount, she just kept saying ‘Whatever you can.’ Well, I can’t. So she asked me to send $50 to cover something so it didn’t overdraft and I forgot. She got $70 in overdraft fees. I feel guilty, of course, but I honestly don’t think I should. She knows I’m negative right now because I had to buy that new computer. I’m almost insulted she asked right now. She called this morning and mentioned it and I just said “I don’t know” and she accused me of telling her I would help and changing my mind. I remember saying a lot of “ifs” but not ever telling her I would send her money.
Sure, I could send her money, she could pay her bills. I’d lose a big chunk of my savings, but she’d be out of trouble. Maybe if she hadn’t come to me like this so many times before, I wouldn’t be so hesitant. Maybe if she had paid me back, like she said, all those times before.. The deal is this, she decided one day she was moving back to her home town. She stated to me that she was aware she was in no way financially able to do this, but that she had decided to. At no point during the time coming up did she mention maybe needing my help.. Maybe I could have tried to set some aside, just in case.
My brother just moved to NC and that puts him at a 4 hour drive from me. After being thousands of miles away, he’s finally close enough for me to visit. I had planned to go this weekend and I told him. Today I called and he said “How long does it take?” so I told him “4 hours.” He said that he had no idea it was so far and that we should wait a week or two. Well, I can’t come next week. Or the week after. Or, hey, the week after that. And it’s not like I’d spend the night there even if I had more than one day. I understand he’s still moving in, but I was going to help. Basically, it’s tomorrow or Thanksgiving. I don’t really want to wait.
I don’t know.. why can’t people just say what they mean instead of beating around the bush? I don’t know where that saying came from, but I’m glad it exists because I couldn’t think of another way to say it. Hah. Oh well.
I don’t think it so much of you should be taking care of her at this point. What did she do when you were younger? I think there is a point of helping someone and then enabling them.
That sucks about your mom. You’d think she would know by now how to make financial decisions when she knows she can’t afford things. :/
And also sucks about your brother. I hate when plans like that get postponed for such a long time. Like you get all excited because you haven’t seen them in a while and then you don’t get to see them for like a month. It’s awful.
It sucks that your mother is basically making you take care of her. I’m having to take care of my family right now, so I kind of understand where you’re coming from.
I love that about my mom, and I’m pretty sure it’s where I got it from, but she never skips around what she wants/needs to say, she always gets right to it, no matter what it is.
Also with my mom if I had the money savings or not and she needed it for WHATEVER reason — she’s my mom, she’s been taking care of me for years, it’s the least I could do really — So as long as I had it, it would be hers, if she needed it.
However I’m not sure how your childhood was or how your mom treated you or how your relationship between her his like.
I don’t want to say anything negative about my mom, but I will let you know my mom hasn’t been taking care of me for years. I’ve been taking care of her for years, actually. I got married and moved out when I was 16. The 2 years before that she supported me and her cigarette addiction with the $2000/mo in social security from my dad’s death.
This isn’t anything new.. and I have children I need to take care of. How is me being broke and having no savings because of her good for them? I need to get my future in order and I can’t do that if every spare dollar is going to her.
Why should I watch every penny and live like I’m in poverty so she doesn’t have to? And more importantly, how is it fair to my husband who earns the money as well?
There is too much of a back story there, but the idea is that I can’t let her bring down my childrens’ lives. Bottom line.
I agree, with children it gets harder, and you certainly can’t sacrifice their life for your mom. And in that case, your mom should flat out just know better.
I am not really sure what to say, I would say help her out but not so much that she becomes dependant on you if you get me. But then I read your reply in the comment and saw it was already like that so I just hope it works out. Sorry I am really bad with giving advice. But I do agree with you can’t sacrifice your children’s life for her.
sorry to hear of your troubles
hopefully all will settle and your mother gets her account fixed-overdrafs start affecting your credit and that’ll be a mess in the future; hope you get to see your brother soon 
I think there comes a point in time where you have to cut the strings. Like Amanda said, it is enabling her. You’ve just got to let her know that you too are financially strapped, and it would be ridiculous for you to give her everything and sacrifice your own livelihood.
I don’t really know your family situation or anything but it doesn’t really seem like it’s your responsibility to provide your mom with money if you don’t have it because she decided to put herself into a situation. But you know maybe I’m out of line.
I can’t even imagine being in a situation where my MOM needed financial help from ME.
Seems pretty crappy for you. Money shouldn’t be something that causes problems amongst family.
Your layout is so beautiful. I’m like in love with your header image
That sucks that your mom keeps asking for money. I would not be able to spare cash for my parents, at least not right now. If she knew she couldn’t afford to move them she really shouldn’t have. And I hope you get to see your brother soon. But I understand why he would want you to wait. It would be nice to have an actual visit than waste all your time just unpacking stuff and moving stuff around.